Life's Little Pity Parties

I spent the last few days in total shut down mode. I can’t believe how excited I was Friday afternoon and how fast everything went to poo. I don’t deal well with abandonment, real or presumed and my guy friend’s actions Friday night sent me on a spiraling pity party thrown by me, for me, with just me in attendance. I did manage to bake some amazing cookies (thank you, michelledicken.wordpress.com), and those cookies were instrumental in my next 36 hours of binge eating. God, I feel fat!

So why did I do this to myself? Why did I slip down the slippery slope of self-loathing and straight into self-inflicted damage? Although I’ll work the food off I ate through an increased amount of exercise and starvation this week, why didn’t I “cowboy up”, show that stiff upper lip and carry on?

I ask this question of myself anytime I fall into despair. I do this more often than I would like and almost nearly always over situations that are less that catastrophic. I know I have a problem with everything fitting into my world. I know things change and I should be able to adapt as most other people do. I cannot. How is it I can KNOW these things but can’t DO these things?

I do feel a little bit better today. Off to my first class. I hope everyone has smiles throughout:-)

What's a Girl to do?

Yesterday afternoon and into last night I traveled five and a half hours through a winter storm just to see  this guy friend of mine. I came because of a provocative text he sent me, he's that good. So when I get to his apartment he's all throwing down with a bunch of buddies and some other chicks. He was happy to see me, but it was like I was an after thought. I don't normally drink, only on special occasions and last night wasn't one of them, so I went to sleep around midnight back in his room. Sometime around three he came to bed all drunk and wanted to fool around. I kicked him in the balls and went to sleep on the couch.

He was pissed! After he collected him self off the floor he came out in the living room screaming how I was a stupid bitch and what the fuck was I doing. He kicked me out of his place and I had to go find a motel room for the night. Now I am planning to drive back through the aftermath of that winter storm. This trip essentially amounted to me wasting time just to be embarrassed and treated like poop. I feel like complete and utter doggy doo right now, lower than low. And writing this doesn't seem to be so therapeutic.

Insane Egotistical SOB!

There is this guy I work with who can not stop talking about himself. Every conversation gets turned back to him. I tell him it was super cold and my car wouldn't start and the next thing I know I am listening to him tell me about his $55,000 truck for the eleventh-teen time! Someone else will bring up their favorite TV show and within minutes the conversation is back to one of the ridiculous reality shows he loves to watch. He is obsessed with his image and petrified to make a decision  of any kind for fear it might not be the choice the boss would have made. He even made the statement to his fiance "If it's between you and me, Babe, you loose every time", she should have licked him in the nads right there!

I realize the irony of me bitching about a egotistical bastard on a blog site I designed just for me, but HEY, I told you up front this is my house. I try not to override every second of the day with ME. I actually try to follow two rules: Treat others as you would have them treat you, and owe no one anything (or return as much as you are given, if not more). So, I'm cool as Jack Frost with you as long as you are being cool with me. Give me gifts and I will return in kind. Give me hell and watch the hell I give back.

I want to mess with this guy so bad. In subtle little ways I get a few jokes in on him as his intelligence isn't shattering any records; mensa isn't knocking down this guy's door. Any ideas on games to play with this dude without getting my ass kicked?

It All Starts With the First Step

So I was advised to write as a form of therapy. Therapy for what you might ask... don't. There are far too many things that grate upon my nerves I wouldn't know where to start. I guess that isn't very good considering I have decided to create a blog as my venue for writing in the hopes some will come and talk to me. I don't care if you're nice, mean, love me, or despise me I am just trying to figure you people out.

I have a problem with what some people like to call empathy. I don't relate to others very well. That's putting it mildly. I am a self centered bitch 80% of the time and life really does have to go my way. People are great when they are doing what I want them to do in the manner I want them to do it. Being as I have almost NO power in the big picture of life people tend to ignore me and get in my way. You all kill me, and for the most part I would like to return the favor. Nothing personal.

With that I will get back to try and make this site a little more interesting and actually think of a topic I want to discuss.  Until I get back here, if any of you should come by, leave a comment and get some conversation started... I'll talk. I never shut up!