Life's Little Pity Parties

I spent the last few days in total shut down mode. I can’t believe how excited I was Friday afternoon and how fast everything went to poo. I don’t deal well with abandonment, real or presumed and my guy friend’s actions Friday night sent me on a spiraling pity party thrown by me, for me, with just me in attendance. I did manage to bake some amazing cookies (thank you, michelledicken.wordpress.com), and those cookies were instrumental in my next 36 hours of binge eating. God, I feel fat!

So why did I do this to myself? Why did I slip down the slippery slope of self-loathing and straight into self-inflicted damage? Although I’ll work the food off I ate through an increased amount of exercise and starvation this week, why didn’t I “cowboy up”, show that stiff upper lip and carry on?

I ask this question of myself anytime I fall into despair. I do this more often than I would like and almost nearly always over situations that are less that catastrophic. I know I have a problem with everything fitting into my world. I know things change and I should be able to adapt as most other people do. I cannot. How is it I can KNOW these things but can’t DO these things?

I do feel a little bit better today. Off to my first class. I hope everyone has smiles throughout:-)